we thought we would get snowed in.
we stocked up, and were ready.
but it's not happening, they say.
so we could go out,
each our own way.
things went off without a hitch.
dates were kept and
errands were run.
the kids quarrelled,
(unnecessarily so, if you ask me),
and tim went to work,
a steady stream into and
out of the gallery,
today.
he could even
grill our dinner
outside
in the driveway
with his coat on.

i was hoping to be snowed in.
to have an out
for so many things.

it was a good day.
it just wasn't the day
i had expected.

enjoy sunday, all.
tt

hi.

this is a busy week and i don't have a lot to say. but i do miss being here, so...

i've been having a hard time taking a decent picture this week. i definitely think it's because i'm rushed and distracted, and also because i'm not really getting out, much. too much time at the computer and the stove.

but then- these two, i like. and i certainly didn't have to go far for either. one right in my back yard, and one waiting right next to me, to be done doing something important.

tomorrow will be different. tomorrow i will pick my head up and see what's around me.

::

and,
i can't stop looking at this photo by heather.

::

goodnight.
tt

i am so thrilled to announce the opening of our new show today.

with work on paper by:
eunju kang
jennifer judd-mcgee
heather smith jones

in the gallery.

and now also available through our online gallery at eyebuzz online.

we are offering 20% off through february 15th, on work from the color show, as well as all of our other inventory. you can enter eyebuzz at checkout to receive this discount.

i'd be honored if you would take a look and let me know what you think!

best wishes,
tt

i'm no longer sure what i was scared of, but i am certain that this was the right thing to do.

the girls are happy, and gentle.
and when they are out of the house, i go upstairs, and get down on my belly, and extending my arm, solicit a revving of little engine, a tender motor, that begins before i even stroke soft curry fur. and then she inches ever so slightly towards my hand. she rolls on her back and licks my fingers and her soft eyes pleading, she backs away at the slightest shifting.
it's ok. i'm not going anywhere soon.

and neither is she.

abigail.

::

back tomorrow, with some news.
tt

our sunday walk today didn't take us far from home.
but strangely, we don't usually walk down to the river.
today the sheets of ice were groaning as they moved through the current, hitting into one another.
i look at this river everyday from a few blocks up, but never knew what it sounds like, when you're right down there next to it.

it was so cold today, but there was sun, and no wind.
i would have stayed in the house all day.
this is one of those times that i'm glad that tim and i complement each other so nicely.
i'm glad he got me out, and we went down to the river, today.

::

much going on here. more about that tomorrow.
tt

today we wished my sweet lindsey a happy birthday.

eleven.

we've promised her a kitten, although as it turns out, that's easier said than done. we've got a few leads, though.

we took a good, long, cold walk-she, her big sister, and i.
cold but happy.

lindsey chose chocolate covered strawberries instead of cake. and then she went ahead and made dozens of them, for us all. we put a few candles in a few strawberries, turned out the lights, and she made her wish.

i hope they all come true for you, sweetheart.

this was a very good day.

thanks for reading.
tt

good stuff:

eating chewy coconut cookies.

working from home together, while the gallery is in-between shows.

looking at far from the city, a book of polaroids by julia paul (my birthday gift from tim.)


savoring this cookbook (my birthday gift from tim's mom.)

daydreaming about wearing this.

planning my (almost eleven-year-old) daughter's birthday dinner.

and,

appreciating a little sunshine and blue skies in january, while it lasts.

any good stuff you'd like to share?

tt

hi.

i'm scared of so many things.
flying, for one.
i'm also scared of falling behind on the laundry and neighbors stopping by and finding out what a mess our house is.
i'm scared to death of my kids being hurt in cars or in water. those are two particular fears among many in that category.
and i'm afraid to get another kitten.

lindsey turns eleven on thursday, and all she really wants is a kitten. and i'm scared. scared we can't handle it, scared we can't afford it, scared of what certain friends and family will say if i cave in and get her the darn kitten, scared that all the kids will end up making the kitten a nervous wreck, scared that the kitten will pee all over the house.

maybe most of all i'm scared if i get her the kitten, she still won't be happy.

i look around and see people doing all sorts of scary things everyday. huge, momentous life-changing scary things; and little, everyday, scary things.

i think i should be able to handle a kitten.
tt

and again i am reminded that
it is not about getting everything you want,
but being happy with
what you have.

more tomorrow. thanks for reading.
tt

last night i had a really warming evening with friends, on a not-too-cold january night.
same place as last year.
so good, i want to go back with tim, tonight.
we'll see.

hope you are enjoying your saturday. thanks for reading.
tt

hi.

it's become clear to me lately that my newfound hobby of taking pictures has blossomed into a fullblown obsession. i'm ok with that.

i've found myself, more than a few times recently, arrested by the impulse to start shooting something, and my whole mood changes. i'm focused, and energized, and happy. almost giddy-happy. i think that may be as valuable to me as the photographs themselves, for it's about noticing the world around me, and being invigorated by that noticing.

an obsession with noticing.

::

in the meantime, i've a lot to learn.

and,

i've been enjoying these photographs, very much.

::

we'll be celebrating my birthday this weekend, so i'm excited to have some good meals with friends, a quiet night out with tim, and maybe a surprise or two.

happy weekend! thanks for reading.
tt

i feel like some big changes need to be made around here.
not here, as in this space,
but here, as in our life.

it's hard, because i haven't been particularly motivated to do much of anything, lately. i'm becoming the sort of person who feels a success if i get a shower in and sweep the kitchen floor on the same day.

it's hard, because i'm not even sure what those big changes might be. hard to tell, with all the minor disturbances that arise daily.

but i woke up yesterday, fresh from the whole emergency room episode, feeling as if a weight was starting to lift from my shoulders. and that maybe, little by little, i can start to make some progress towards how i'd like things to be.

little by little. and then maybe the big picture will emerge.

just saying.

hope your day has a little bit of lightness in it. thanks for reading.
tt

hi.

today while the big girls were all out of the house, anna fell asleep in my arms on the couch. i dozed off for a little while, and when i woke up, the house was so still and the light was pouring in. i lay there, hoping not to wake her, looking around at our livingroom and out of the windows, and listening to the sounds the house makes when we are not drowning them out.


it was cold and grey this weekend, but today there is sun. not a warm sun, but what it does to the floors and the tabletops when it streams into the house, what it does to the tips of bare branches and piles of damp leaves and forgotten pale grass, is quite beautiful.


i know that we have at least two months of winter left, but this light is messing with my head. it's making me want warm sun and new leaves again. i don't even want to hope for those things, now. i truly want to savor the cold, get snowed in. i've got more soup to make, and more early nights and slow mornings in me. i've got more patience stored up for winter, but i don't have much affection for this big tease.

::

so, this much i had written this afternoon, when the girls were home, and there was a ballet class being conducted in the basement; full dress rehearsal. and then some movement upwards towards the kitchen, and then a slam. silence. screaming.

yep.

we are home now, from the emergency room. anna, the amazing champion that she is, has four new stitches in her chin and is sleeping soundly with her daddy and one of her sisters. our dinner was had at 9:45pm...bread, and fried ham, and leftover brussel sprouts, and soup from last night's dinner with nana & pop.

she is a celebrity in her own home, and she took the attention quite graciously.
but i'm glad they're all asleep, now. today is the sort of day that you need time to digest, alone.

today was long and trying, way before the trip to the e.r.
but i think we will all look back on tonight and remember it as one of our sweetest times.

yep. i've been a parent today for thirteen years, five months, and ten days. it's funny which of those days i end up remembering the most.

more tomorrow. thanks for reading.
tt

the juxtaposition of six dollars worth of raspberries in january and the devastation in haiti pretty much says it all.

i feel that i can't do much but hug my kids a little tighter, and donate a few dollars. perhaps be always mindful of and grateful for all that we have. keep things in perspective. but even those things sound a lot more like what i can do for me, than for those who desperately need help.

i don't feel qualified to direct anyone to one particular organization or another, but one small thing we could do is to support all of the caring, talented people who have given a piece of their time and their work to benefit doctors without borders at the crafthope for haiti etsy shop.

oh, and have you met melissa bridgman?

ok. be well.
tt

another winter weekend looms, with not much going on. i go upstairs and prop myself up on my elbow inches from tim's pillow. are you sleeping?

"um."

we need a plan. and we need more joy. we are blowing it. time is short. time is fast. we have everything anyone could want right here, and we are blowing it.

(one eye open.)

our stress, while not of our own choosing, is of our own making, to some degree. let's ignore the things we can't control, and crumple up and light a match to the stress we bring on ourselves.

"yes. um. when are we doing this?"

now. yesterday. we need to be joyful. i need to be joyful, or else it all becomes laundry and lost mittens and asking five times of someone what should be done on the first go. all worry. no happy.

"but we have stress. life is hard." (both eyes open now.)

it isn't about not having stress, or pretending life isn't hard. it's about finding the joy anyway. (i'd had a lot of tea this morning.)

"how do the french say it?"

joie de vivre.

"@#$%& !"

ok, then: joy.

"ok, then."

::

bring me:
good long walks and talking and laughing. maybe even embarrassing, snorting laughter. chocolate cake and fresh paint. back rubs and girls telling me about their day. dark red wine and second helpings. new books and guitars and kissing. movies set in paris. quiet. good bread. a task done. friends stopping by. toast. napping. big sweaters. real mail. around the block once before bed. pasta. old photos. new music. berries in a berry bowl. warmer winds. longer light. love.

joy. happy weekend! thanks for reading.
tt

the light changed today.

everyone noticed.
anna noticed.
the girls noticed.
tim came home and said "did you see how the light changed today?"

i had.

be well, tonight. thanks for reading.
tt

i guess when i said "january, surprise me", i should have added the word gently.

january seems to be treating me like one of those waves at the beach that you dive into foolhardily, hoping for a little body surfing, and find yourself instead upside down underneath the whitecaps, with saltwater up your nose and sand in your trunks.

::

we inherited my mother's old sewing machine, which has now taken up residence on our dining room table, along with the sewing basket, a heap of random fabric scraps, and several pairs of scissors (which, by the way, remained steadfastly m.i.a. during the entire gift-wrapping season).

tim has hemmed his pants. the girls have made doll dresses for anna's doll. pillow cases. cell phone holders. lentil-stuffed juggling sacks. textile collages.

that's just tonight.

::

there is something about the way kids approach learning a new skill that amazes me. one of my brothers (although, it may have been our friend adam, come to think of it...) once pointed out that kids don't fear failure the way we do. they are used to regularly facing new skills and rising to the challenge. whereas adults know all the consequences that can come from not only our failing completely, but also from messing up each and every step of the way.

i don't know about you, but this is definitely something that rings true for me.

me, who had her first crocheting class today, and left in tears.

::

we've been encouraging anna's seemingly innate and insatiable need to sing by playing the soundtracks to such things as the sound of music and annie. she has taken right to it.

i, for one, will take a bit of musical theater wisdom from "my favorite things" and "tomorrow."

::

january, let me come up for some air, would you? thanks for reading.
tt

we got another little dusting of snow this morning. i haven't been keeping tabs on the weather much, lately, so i really don't know if there's more to come. and we don't have any plans for the weekend yet. or none i know of. it's a bit unusual for me to have no schedule or expectations for the few days ahead.

but i'm open. january, surprise me.

happy friday! thanks for reading.

tt

hi.
i so wish i had something to tell you. but my mind is all wrapped up in the day-to-dayness of our lives this week. re-entry into school and work, and looking ahead to things as far off and abstract as summer, leaves me a bit reticent.

but i've been taking pictures, yes i have.

the top one is film, from a walk i took the day after christmas (film does make you wait for it).
the bottom one is from yesterday, outside of the gallery. i waited for those birds to fly off the roof of the music hall, and fly, they did.

is there anything more captivating than watching a flock of birds fly? how do they know where to go, how to fly together in unison like that? what makes them land? and what makes them take off again?

i truly wonder at this.

and i truly love the winter landscape. the greys and browns and (surprisingly) the blues. you really see the blue sky when the distraction of leaves is gone.

these thoughts take up a lot of room in a head full of schedules and menu plans and worry. i am grateful for such a beautiful distraction.

best wishes. thanks for reading.
tt

sometimes isn't it true that your whole day
can be turned around by an apology?
or that you think that someone is mad at you,
and then they look up at you and smile,
and you realize
that they were just in their own head,
like you're in your own head,
(perhaps thinking that someone is mad at you)
and it turns out that
one smile,
or one or two little words,
can set the whole motion of your day
back on course.

i love when that happens.

no matter which side of the equation
i happen to be on.

hope you had a good day, today. thanks for reading.
tt

back to normal around here.

house swept clean. school days begin again. looking forward.

::

i have a lot of hopes, it turns out. and some bigger than "i hope my hair grows back faster this time."

also, it turns out, many of the things i hope for have to do with our gallery. i think we're lucky to get to work for ourselves, and be a part of the growth of our hometown, and work with each other, and work with and promote people and artwork that we genuinely admire.

someone once told us (someone who should know) that it takes ten years for a business to really thrive. 2010 marks year number four for eyebuzz fine art. so we're hanging in there, and we have some exciting things planned for the next few months. more on that as things progress.

this post completely did not start out to be this, but i guess what i'm saying is: thank you!
thank you to everyone who has encouraged us to keep going just by coming through our door, or even, by coming to our site and checking out what it is we are doing.
thank you to everyone who has supported us not only by buying a piece of artwork...but also by coming to openings and third fridays and making us feel that we are, indeed, building the sort of community we envisioned when we first hatched the idea of a gallery.

and last, but definitely not least: thank you to all of the artists who have taken a leap of faith and entrusted their artwork and their names to our little gallery. to support and promote the kind of passionate, dedicated, creative and talented artists that we have had the honor to work with these past few years is why we are doing what we are doing. and it is for them, as much as ourselves, that we hope for many good things to come for eyebuzz in 2010 and beyond.

::

so, here's wishing that some of what you all are hoping for comes true this year, too.

thanks for reading.
tt

hi.
a couple more photos from my brother's house, last weekend. i just love the wispiness and the color of these two.

::

a quiet day. cold, windy; little flakes drifting around out there, not exactly falling.

i feel at ease knowing i have good bread and some dark green vegetables in the house. cheeses. potatoes.
some sort of meal can be assembled out of these things at some point later today.
later today, we can all ready ourselves for tomorrow; bookbags found, lunches made, alarm clocks set(ugh.)

for now, a quiet end to a very busy, very good few weeks.

hello, january. thanks for reading.
tt

this morning::
some of us stayed in bed until almost ten. some of us have yet to surface, even still.
we are making omelets with the works; and a big mess.
i want to put some music on, but i respectfully wait for car talk to be over. i secretly enjoy it.
tim bundles up and walks to work. i find an old sade cd that seems perfect for this morning.
i walk around the house, trying to decide what to clean up first. then i sit down again.
the girls are playing with the leftover noisemakers and the cat runs away from the noise. i can't blame her.
we are waiting for a little more snow coming our way. the forecasted winds scare me, though.
we are looking forward to dinner out with nana and pop; good old-fashioned red-sauce italian, in the sort of place with snow sprayed on the windows, and a train set in the bar.

this morning::
i'm thrilled by the news that my friend beth will be in the next enormous tiny art show at nahcotta.
i'm excited for new guests at habit, including my friend jen.

this morning::
things are good.

happy saturday. thanks for reading.
tt

there is so much activity and noise downstairs right now-colored lights are being hung, rugs are being vacuumed (although this is a bit like shoveling snow before a blizzard), old sheets are being nail-gunned to the walls, music is blasting. and the party hasn't even started. it's looking a lot like a college dorm in my basement, and frankly, i'm sceptical.

whose idea was this kids' party, anyway? and how am i going to get tim to come across the street with me to the grown-ups party? seems like all eight of us are having too much fun just getting things ready over here.

::

i am sneaking up to the computer to say goodbye to 2009, and to wish you all a joyful night and a hopeful new year.

i think this past year for me was one of finding the new beginnings in endings, and noticing the beauty in things not obviously so.

i think this past year i grew up a lot, and maybe even found my inner kid a bit, too. learning something new has been challenging and energizing at the same time.

i think this past year i started to let go of a lot of things that i held onto out of fear and habit.

::

i was reading a story about a completely dysfunctional group of people, and the thought came to me that they just don't know how to be a family. and then i realized: we do. we know how to be a family.

i will take that one thought with me into the new year, and everything else will fall into place.

::

wishing you peace, health, and happiness in 2010. thanks for reading.
tt

hi. just to prove that i'm not always so grumpy, i thought i'd come back here with a few nice things lately::

. although i'm ready for a clean slate in my house, i'm bowing to protests and keeping the tree up a little longer.

. i may never take down the twinkly lights. that's a fact.

.i just made a starter for bread. we should have fresh loaves by tomorrow afternoon.

.and i'm also making, for the first time, a loaf of beer bread.

.little miss a. and i had lunch out today at our favorite place. it's been a long time. she rose to the occasion just beautifully.

.we grown-ups in the neighborhood are having our new years eve party sans kids this year. which means the kids are having a new years eve party across the street, at our house, sans grown-ups. i'm not sure which i'm more excited about. i've got nachos and little hot dogs and caramel corn and homemade chocolate chip cookie ice cream sandwiches in mind for them. i even bought some ("clean") soda, and sparkling cider for midnight.
i may end up staying at the kids party(cue loud protesting).

.i bought a bonafide party dress. i really don't know what got into me, but i can not wait to put it on and watch the magic happen. um, that is what party dresses do, right? it seems to work for anna, and she knows from party dresses.

.every time i hear the opening words of weary memory, i feel like running to wherever tim is and kissing him: found your mittens behind a box of pictures; you would wear them before i brewed the tea.

.if i could just request one more gift from santa, it would definitely be a pair of these to wear as house slippers. lucky for me, i have a birthday in january.

.we are having one of the best months ever, in terms of people buying art from the gallery. it's like the art gods looked down on us, saw us feeling slightly discouraged, and said "keep at it. people are out there who like what you are doing." thanks for the chin up, art gods. i think we are coming into a new year of good things downtown.

well! i surprised myself, here. i could keep going, but i've got kids to hug. thanks for reading.
tt

ok, the truth is, i'm not going to be able to draw any profound conclusions about this past year. frankly, i know what my weaknesses and my strengths are every day of every month, and it being the last week of december doesn't really change anything.

i will say that what amy wrote about resolutions usually focusing on our failings hit home for me. i suppose i could make a list of things that i need to work on, or change, or do and not do in the new year, but most of those are small, personal adjustments that are too intimate to share, and too specific to be meaningful to anyone but me.

besides, the overwhelming vote seems to be that i need to relax. this has been voiced by the people who know and love me best in varying ways, from "just take it one step at a time" to "maybe you shouldn't be too picky?" right down to "is she going through menopause? she seems a little grumpy" (this last, from my dad!); the chorus of friends and family who seem to think i need to relax, already is getting loud and, um, organized.


so alright. i'll relax.
i'll try.

::

one of the sweetest things about this christmas was that the girls were able to do most of their shopping themselves, thanks to their babysitting money, and the fact that they can walk into town from our house together. they were all genuinely more excited about giving presents to us and each other than what they were getting. this is a big change from some years ago, when they all actually counted how many presents were in each of their piles. drama ensued.

this year, they even filled tim and my stockings, which i know really meant something to them, since in the past they would be sad when my stocking wasn't full like theirs was on christmas morning. the implication of them doing so is, of course, something i'm not going to examine too closely.

one of the things we each found in our stockings this year was a long stemmed rose: a white one for me, a peachy-pink one for tim, and a pink one for anna. they're over there in a vase right now, and it makes me happy to look at them.

::

that's all for today. a cold wind is swirling around and we keep losing power, but i'm venturing out for provisions. thanks for reading.
tt

hello, monday.

we're home, and all the hustle and bustle is over, but things are not at all back to normal. the kids are here at home all week, we don't have much planned until new years eve, and all of the snow is gone. to be honest, i think the next few days are going to be challenging for me. i'm ready to make a clean sweep of the house-toss that tree out, already!-and spend some quiet time regrouping my thoughts and settling down. i think that will have to wait until next week.

::

we spent a couple of days at my brother's house in connecticut, and when we woke up sunday morning, there was an eerily beautiful fog. the light was dull, the air heavy with water, although you couldn't quite say it was raining.

i walked out of the house with my cameras and didn't get far before i was mesmerized by small wondrous things: reflections in puddles on the pavement; leaves and moss frozen under opaque, melting ice; rich tones of rust and curry making their way out from under the snow; droplets of water on all of the branches, glistening in what little bit of sunlight could filter through the cloud cover; gorgeous, wispy patterns made by grasses and sticks protruding from an icy pond.

it was all, simply, beautiful. i'll share some of the photos from that walk here this week, and hopefully be able to form some thoughts about what the end of this year, and the beginning of a new one, mean to me.

for now, i'll just leave you with a hello. hope you all had a wonderful weekend. thanks for reading.
tt

hi,
and greetings.
i am just about falling asleep here,
but wanted to say,
that i will be back,
soon,
with some thoughts
on the end of the year,
and the start of the new.

if ever there were someone
ripe for new years resolutions,
that would be
me.

tired and happy,
and off to visit with family
for a few days.
sincerely,
tara.
thanks for reading.
tt

tonight.

this is my favorite night. the anticipation, the preparations, the wrapped packages and the whispering of secrets. the food, and the memories, and the laughing. the late hour finishing details - seemingly inevitable, no matter how much i've done ahead of time.

mostly, i feel full up with love, tonight.

all is well, here. i just wanted to stop in and say hello, and best, best of all wishes, my friends.

i'll be back when i can. there's just so much i don't want to miss.

happy night. thanks for reading.
tt

oh, there is so much beauty around.
my daughters ask me a question,
and a little part of the hardness
that has crystallized inside
as i have grown into this older,
unfamiliar me
starts to melt,
because i am both
renewed by them,
and made even older
and more unfamiliar
still.
i hesitate to answer their question.
we are at the point
when the old answer
is not acceptable,
but the whole true
ugly, beautiful answer
is not yet acceptable,
either.
their eyes tell me at the same time:
we want the answer,
and
we don't.
so i straddle that line,
for one more year.
because i love them,
and because
i don't really want to say
the truthful answer
out loud.
but oh,
do i love them.
and oh,
are they beautiful.


the days get longer from here on in. thanks for reading.
tt