Thursday, December 25, 2008

Refuge

My story does not lend one to believe that I might find myself, alone on Christmas afternoon, in New York City, with time to kill. But here I was, with Christmas morning for six children under my belt, a husband in transit, and two hours or so to make my self scarce.

The story, I suppose, starts many years ago, when two flawed people, imperfectly matched, only slightly out of their teens, married and somehow produced two perfect little girls.

Those two little girls were now at Lenox Hill Hospital, meeting their new little sister.
That's right. Another girl.

No! Not mine. But theirs, none the less. Beautiful and healthy, just like they were. Eliza.

So, while my husband (the second one, the one I married many years and much wisdom later) and our own perfect little girl (my third, his fourth...are you keeping up with this?) delivered his own mother safely to her home in Brooklyn, and while my girls (two of them, at least) were counting baby toes and fingers, and breathing up that new baby smell...

I.went.out.to.lunch.

I'm not sure what sort of planet alignment had to happen for me to be there, on a wooden stool in a French bistro, with ochre walls and beamed ceiling; with a lovely Ukrainian barmaid pouring me Pinot Blanc; with a solicitous Maitre'd summoning up un-asked for samples of the lobster bisque; with no children asking to go to the bathroom.

But there I sat, and tears welled up. Not over some misplaced nostalgia for days gone by. Not even with relief for having survived yet another Christmas as Grand Marshall of so many little humans' expectations. But for the fullness, the richness, the intricacy of all the things that led up to this very afternoon.

And perhaps, for one more perfect little girl, brought into a world,(at least our corner of it), that so loves little girls.

Welcome, Eliza. Your sisters love you.

More tomorrow. Thanks for reading.
tt

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5 Comments:

Anonymous Alexis said...

That was such a lovely post, Tara. You write beautifully.

December 26, 2008 4:46 AM  
Blogger julochka said...

beautiful in every way...i got tears in MY eyes reading it! merry christmas to you and all those girls...

December 26, 2008 10:54 AM  
Blogger Molly said...

Exquisite post Tara. Thank you for sharing so eloquently.
And congrats on your awards ; )
M

December 27, 2008 5:13 PM  
Anonymous Beth said...

Tara-
It made me cry too- hard to say why- but I did... can't wait to share some New year wine with you some time soon- fondue- I am thinking.. what about you? A fondue get together.

Oh, by the way.. the snaps and hugs.. I first had them in Chicago where they sell little pretzels in the the shape of a small circle- I haven't quite been able to get over that I can't find that shape here no matter how hard I look - the circles were perfect....oxox

December 28, 2008 11:43 PM  
Blogger lottie said...

what a lovely post. so forthright and true. hi, i've just found your blog and immediately want to sit down with a cup of tea to read the archives. a very happy new year to you.

January 9, 2009 2:31 PM  

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