ok.
so is it alright to post these photos together just because i like them?

is it ok to say that i've loved being home with the girls this week, doing nothing much of anything, and saying yes every chance i get?

i know it's ok to tell you that i love my kids just so.very.much.
but how about if i admit how much i love the cats, too?
and certainly you don't want to hear about how i still crumble, a little, at the thought of tim.

i miss houses that i've lived and and stayed in. i think about them often. i can remember the smell of the cutting boards, or the sound the drawers made, or the movements required to get butter from fridge to counter and reach for a knife.

sometimes still, when i wake up in the middle of the night, i for a split second might imagine i'm in some other room, in some other house.

we've hung bells on the doors, so we can hear people come and go, but we rarely lock our doors.

except at night, during which i often lay awake listening to every sound.

i feel the need to be alone frequently, but i am very rarely alone. this is not a complaint, so much as an observation. i wonder how i would feel if i were alone often. maybe i would be lonely.

i've been completely lacking motivation lately to clean and tidy up the house. laundry stays unfolded. dishes get hand washed because i'm too lazy to unload the dishwasher. some days i go to get the mail, look at it standing in the driveway, and then put it back in the mailbox to deal with it some other day.

and yet, today, i was overcome by an impulse to clean, and organize, and move furniture, and put on something pretty. tim came home and looked around and said "you must be tired."

i felt more like myself than i have in a long time.

i feel like i'm very far from my own thoughts, lately. which may seem strange, given all the navel gazing that goes on around here. but definitely things are moving and shifting inside of me, and soon, i'll know which way to go next.

is it ok to say that i'm not really sure what i'm doing, but i like being here, so i'm sticking with it?

ok then,
i'm really grateful to any of you out there listening.
thanks for reading.
tt