my twelve year old self
was in my dream last night.
my grown up self could see her
and hear her
and watch her.
i saw myself exactly as i had been,
much clearer than i actually remember
myself at that age
when i am awake
and i try to remember these things.

this morning i wondered
about why i had this dream.
they usually make sense
if you think about it.
something during the day
reminded you of something else
but you didn't let your thoughts
go all the way there.
so it comes back later
when you're dreaming.

but this time
i don't think it's quite
so linear.

i think maybe
my twelve year old self
was trying to remind me
of what i felt
and who i was.

because i have these girls,
and they look at me
and see mommy.
and i look at them and feel
like mommy.

but maybe at this point
i need to look at them
and remember
what it felt like
to be a girl.

last night in my dream
my grown up self
looked very closely
at my twelve year old self,
and i remember thinking
that i missed her.

more tomorrow. thanks for reading.
tt