Sunday, April 18, 2010

waking at two a.m. with the half-lucid knowledge that the kitten was not inside.
walking, barefooted and nightgowned around the yard
back to bed,
dreaming, in rolling fits and starts, about lost kittens and children and opportunities.
and then
again at six,
barely better clothed.
and then finally at eight,
tim goes out with plastic bags ready for the worst.

anna says: "she goes this way..."
and so we go this way.
and we hear the faintest of plaintive cries.

the little orange cat way up in the tree.
all night.

big ladder, and mommy, is needed.
i. am. mommy.

she comes to me.
sap covered and collarless.
tired and scared,
but sweetly heavy in my arms,
i walk her into home,
and she drinks as if at a mirage,
and she falls asleep in the laundry.

i am so relieved that i have
what will be merely a story
by the end of the night
to tell lindsey,
and not a bad, ugly truth
that we are left dreaming about
and reworking
in our minds
for a long
to come.

does it ever stop?
do the days ever become predictable
and manageable?
or are we really left
every day
to handle what lies
around every hours' corner?

i say goodnight to you
with girls
and cats
curled up safely.
for tonight.

thanks for reading.


Anonymous emily said...

oh scary, t. so glad that one had a happy ending. (i had a moment this week also where i suddenly realized - i am the grownup. how is that?) i hope you get a good night's sleep tonight.

April 18, 2010 10:06 PM  
Blogger Char said...

i wish i knew the answers...but i don't.

i am happy to hear a happy ending to the story though. so happy.

April 18, 2010 11:08 PM  
Blogger tangled sky studio said...

i read this with all of what you experienced and want you to know that you are a poet see in this moment... that it is a moment...and that it too shall pass...but deserves to be remembered...for what it is.

sweet (but short) dreams,

April 19, 2010 1:10 AM  
Blogger Molly said...

ah, but the predictable life is boring. missing kitten, scary, but found kitten, exciting! phew! i was holding my breath as i read your post.

have you and your girls read My One Hundred Adventures by Polly Horvath? it makes me think of you. xo

April 19, 2010 1:39 PM  
Anonymous Alicia A. said...

Thank goodness.

April 19, 2010 9:49 PM  
Blogger house on hill road said...

anna and her observation saves the day. phew.

April 19, 2010 10:14 PM  
Blogger Jill said...

I love your poetry. I was right there with you. Unfortunately, I think it ends when we get old and our children begin to parent us.

April 20, 2010 8:51 AM  
Blogger Mommy of three said...

I love this. :)

April 21, 2010 7:09 PM  
Blogger kelly@thebluemuse said...

Oh I think it depends on the day, sometimes we sail through them sometimes we struggle, but we keep moving along, loving, stumbling, rescuing.
P.S. 2 years ago we found a tiny little orange kitten sitting on the yellow line in the middle of our 55 mph road. She was 3 weeks old. She is all grown and happy these days

April 21, 2010 10:43 PM  

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