Monday Morning :: Fresh Start

I want to thank all of you for indulging me so kindly during all of that holiday madness. I certainly was obsessesed for a few weeks there, no?

I hope you understand that it was necessary for the happiness of my family and my own sanity. I decided at some point that if you can't beat 'em...well, you know.

Really, what I decided, was that I needed to stop fighting it all. That my lot in life (for now) is as chief cook and bottlewasher, and that by resisting this reality, I was only making myself miserable. Well, actually, that was the problem. Not only myself miserable.

So I threw myself into the happy holidays, and you know what? They were. Happy. I felt, internally, a loosening of something that used to be wound pretty tightly. The anxiety melted a little. Maybe, I fulfilled my one wish for this season.

And here we are, on the other side. With as much eagerness as I put out all the holiday finery, I have put it all away, now. The tree is on the curb (and not in a plastic bag...can someone please explain that to me?), the windowsills are cleared off, and the tabletops are pared down. The red and forest green in the house are back to a bare minimum.

We're back in the pink. And white. Soft greens. Pale, pale blues.

I think this is a perfect time to reassess what we have around us, and perhaps start fresh. Even if in small ways. A new tablecloth, or switched around furniture. I once read somewhere that if you went through every room and put three things away it would make a big difference.

It does. I'm making a little more room around here. Room to think, room to breathe. Room to settle in and enjoy the space in front of me.

More tomorrow. Thanks for reading.

tt

First day, first night

Today is a day to stay in bed way past reason.

Today is a day to cook and cook and cook. For later today, when we will eat and eat and eat.

Today is a day to clear out the basement, so the girls will move the dance studio from above our heads in their room, to below us, where they won't crack the ceiling any further.

Today is a day to notice how it looks when the sun shines through the branches onto the snow. How it looks, from indoors.

Today is a day to thank the neighbors, for taking everyone in/on last night.

Today is a day to play board games (not me, I don't do that...but the rest of the household, go to it!)

Today is a day to practice writing 2009 on your checks. I will surely be writing 2008 until mid-February.

Today is a day to plan to start walking, reading, knitting, skimping...tomorrow.

Tonight is a night to toast the new year, and to turn in early, under many, many old quilts.

Enjoy your first day, first night. Thanks for reading.
tt

Refuge

My story does not lend one to believe that I might find myself, alone on Christmas afternoon, in New York City, with time to kill. But here I was, with Christmas morning for six children under my belt, a husband in transit, and two hours or so to make my self scarce.

The story, I suppose, starts many years ago, when two flawed people, imperfectly matched, only slightly out of their teens, married and somehow produced two perfect little girls.

Those two little girls were now at Lenox Hill Hospital, meeting their new little sister.
That's right. Another girl.

No! Not mine. But theirs, none the less. Beautiful and healthy, just like they were. Eliza.

So, while my husband (the second one, the one I married many years and much wisdom later) and our own perfect little girl (my third, his fourth...are you keeping up with this?) delivered his own mother safely to her home in Brooklyn, and while my girls (two of them, at least) were counting baby toes and fingers, and breathing up that new baby smell...

I.went.out.to.lunch.

I'm not sure what sort of planet alignment had to happen for me to be there, on a wooden stool in a French bistro, with ochre walls and beamed ceiling; with a lovely Ukrainian barmaid pouring me Pinot Blanc; with a solicitous Maitre'd summoning up un-asked for samples of the lobster bisque; with no children asking to go to the bathroom.

But there I sat, and tears welled up. Not over some misplaced nostalgia for days gone by. Not even with relief for having survived yet another Christmas as Grand Marshall of so many little humans' expectations. But for the fullness, the richness, the intricacy of all the things that led up to this very afternoon.

And perhaps, for one more perfect little girl, brought into a world,(at least our corner of it), that so loves little girls.

Welcome, Eliza. Your sisters love you.

More tomorrow. Thanks for reading.
tt

And to all, a good night.

Outside::

Inside::

This is always the best night.

Peace, love and happiness to you all. Thanks for reading.

tt

ps: as always, inspired by SouleMama's in/out.

Countdown

It's hard to be jaded when your mother still puts out the same Christmas decorations you played with as a kid. And then you see your own kids, as awed and reverent around them, as you remember being, yourself.

You can choose what you think is important and live your life accordingly. I stake my soul on it. But some things-your family, your memories-you don't choose. You can't change them like nail polish. They are a part of you, the way skin and height are.

Just saying. Thanks for reading.

tt

Monday morning at-home love

We are back home, from the most beautiful winter wonderland. I would show you pictures-you know I would-but so far, the camera I've checked...not so good. There are some other cameras floating around here, and when I get the chance, I'll check those pictures out...but for now, I'm just trying to get grounded before the troops 'rouse.

I have some random things to say, but I'm worried that lately, all I've been here is random. Maybe it's symptomatic of the season-taking care of so many things at one time, trying to get it all in. Maybe it's a result of my compelling exhaustion, which seems to be taking a toll on everything from my eyes (they are puffy and don't seem to be working as well as usual), to my bones (can't bend or stretch well). Woe is me.

But, I have some totally eclectic thoughts I would like to put down, and-lucky us!-here's where my (proverbial) pen falls.

1) Fall was so spectacular, and we all know about spring and summer, but the pictures I have been seeing around blogland of winter are by far the most beautiful yet. I just spent 48 hours in a snow covered haven, and not any of us...from three to eighty three...could stop remarking on how gorgeous the world looked covered in snow. I find this ability we humans have to find wonder and awe in every season to be something to cling to: that we are all capable of seeing the beauty in every facet of the changing natural world. We should try to turn that eye to our own lives and the ones around us. Maybe we would see what we don't always see in each other. Grace is not always in the obvious.

2) There are people who need us, and believe me, there are plenty right here in my own house. But I went to the senior center last week with my parents (they were there as volunteers, by the way!) and helped serve up a holiday luncheon. I realized that even a little time counts in a big way. I didn't necessarily want to go, I had a few valid excuses to get out of it, but I was so happy I went. Maybe I wasn't so much help, but if everybodys' little bit of help gets added together, you have a really big dose of what is needed.

3) (Here's where random meets random). The girls are going to make those things this morning, that they make every year (thanks, Tricia). You take:

Snyder's pretzel SNAPS (or any shape that isn't too wide-open)

Hershey's HUGS (we've tried others, but the white/milk chocolate combo seems to work here)

Oven @ 200

line them up on parchment lined pans...hug on snap...when a little bit melty, gently push a snap on top. If they're not melty enough, stick them back in the oven for a few seconds. If they're a melted mess, throw them in the freezer (or outside, even!) for a minute or two, and try again.

top with a snap (salt side out) and chill (again, freezer or outside).

They are so.dang.good. And perfect to throw into cellophane bags with a ribbon and give as little gifts. I only hesitate to write this down, as now everyone knows how easy they are to make.

4) We are getting excited about our January show. And we are getting re-energized about the real show, starting in January, down there in DC, and everywhere.

Enough random! Maybe I'll be able to pull a substantive thought together after a long winter's nap (maybe not). Is everyone as tired as I am, these days?

More tomorrow. Thanks for reading.

tt

Friday Happiness

The sun put in an appearance yesterday afternoon, so I took a few pictures around our house. It's feeling really Christmas-y in here, these days.

We don't have enough space in the livingroom for the tree, but I like this better: we can see it from every room downstairs.

That's a deep fryer basket there, a gift from Stephanie last Christmas. I love the way the perforations give the illusion of a floral pattern. Candlelight spills out through all of those little holes. Come to think of it, the little vintage globe is from Pretty Funny, too.

The girls learned to make these incredible snowflakes in seventh grade math. Is this what they mean by the new math?

The piano, or, my makeshift mantel. Notice no more candycanes out in the dotty jar. I wised up, fast.

Looks like a drunken sailor hung the lights, huh? I like them this way.

We are off this morning to race a snowstorm up to New Paltz, for a few days of (computer-free)bliss: Fun, rest, and foodfoodfood. I wouldn't trade it for anything. Although I will say, I'll miss curling up in our little house during the first real snow of the winter.

I'm sure I'll get another chance, soon enough.

Enjoy your weekend. Thanks for reading.
tt

A few random things...

that I am loving right now:

1. Driving around and seeing how everyone has decorated their houses. So far there is one I am loving most, with paper lanterns like these, and white lights illuminating the wrap-around porch on their Victorian. I'd never think to put the lanterns outside, but it works. (I'll try to take a good picture the next time I'm out after dark.)

2. Getting holiday cards from friends and family whom I don't hear from often, the rest of the year. Especially from those so far away (Slovenia, Denmark...Minnesota).

3. Holiday drinks: eggnog with fresh-grated nutmeg. warm cider with cinnamon sticks. peppermint tea. hot chocolate with whipped cream and a candy-cane stirrer. sparkling cider, so the kids can toast, too. and this big, dark, red wine: almost black, and perfect with all those winter comfort foods we're eating now.

4. The questions that are coming from Anna, as she grows curiouser and curiouser. "What makes the water work?" "Is there something holding the house up?" and, some indiscreet but sensible questions over boy/girl anatomy that I won't go into here.

5. Naptime.

6. Getting ideas, inspiration, and encouragement from reading blogs written by smart, creative people who let us have a glimpse into their very real lives. I've spent a good deal of my adult life leafing through shelter magazines and catalogs which leave me feeling that my house, my clothes, my life, are just not cutting it. It is so fortifying to read about and see how real people make their homes, raise their kids, and cope with the same issues that most of us are faced with on a daily basis. {I don't have a blogroll on the sideboard, for a couple of reasons, but I think I will do a post soon, with links to some that I love and read consistently.}

7. Getting comments on my own blog, from all over the world- Denmark, Scotland, New Zealand. It's so nice to know that someone (anyone?!) is out there, listening. I'd love to hear from you, too.

That's all for now. Thanks for reading.

tt

The View

from (around) eyebuzz. Third in a series.

I took the Saturday shift at the gallery, and when I was done, I took a quick, shivery walk around, to see how everyone has dressed up the trees and lampposts and their shops for the holidays. I know that we're all supposed to be depressed about the economy and stressed about the holidays, but Tarrytown looks beautiful, and festive, and...happy.

At dusk the sky was still blue, but the light around the edges of things was deepening. It reminded me of the view you get when you're driving through the city in a cab, and everything on the street sparkles, everything inside the buildings looks glowing and inviting.

My view, today. Thanks for reading.

tt

Friday Happiness

Another Friday, already? This one came up quick.

Another poker night for Tim, tonight, but no movie night for me, this time. It's getting down to the wire, gift-wise, and I've much to do. Although, I could spend the whole night organizing photos on our computer and still not get Thing One done.

Another party this weekend; this time with friends we don't see very often, at a house that will forever feel a little bit like home, so I'm much looking forward to it.

And Sunday; perhaps the last slow, easy, nothing-much-to-do Sunday for a while. So I am, most of all, ready for that.

Another subject:

The other day I referred to myself here as "girl", and that's been flitting around in my brain since. Because we all know how old I am (forty-one). And I'm way closer -seriously- to being a grandmother, than I am to being a teenager, numbers-wise. (We've got three 12-year-olds. At least one is likely to come up with a baby at some point in the next 22 years, right?)

So, I asked myself Satchel Paige's question: "How old would you be if you didn't know how old you were?"

And you know what I came up with?

Twenty-six.

I'm off by fifteen years. Fifteen. But that's my honest answer. Just on the border of "girl", maybe with the hood ornament over the line, even. But there you have it.

And another thing? I was thinking about what I might be wearing to this party this weekend, and I realized that I have in mind something like the perky little ingenue out of Amelie, and will definitely end up with something more in the style of, say...Olive Oyl.

Then again, what do I think I am? Twenty-six?

What's your answer? How old would you be, if you didn't know how old you were?

Enjoy your weekend. More tomorrow.

tt

Reality check

It is hard to be in the spirit of the season when:

It is raining outside. And 60 degrees. Chance of snow? Zip.
You are coming down with something that seems to be taking over your body, starting in your head, and surely moving south.
Those projects that seemed doable by Christmas are just staring back at you, mocking your foolishness. Turns out: yarn will not knit itself.
And all you have going for you right now is tea, toast, and one hour before the kids get out (that's 10:45 am, in case you were wondering.)


Just didn't want anybody to feel badly because that eyeblog girl over there is so dang cheery.

More tomorrow (maybe). Thanks for reading.
tt

Everything in its place

The tree is up, the lights are on, the ornaments hung. This year, mutiny. We went with colored lights on the tree, by popular demand. I'm fine with it, actually. It looks pretty.

I'm doing quite well, I think, with the increasing clutter and mess that all of this Christmas-ing brings. Candles and stick stars on the windowsills, wooden Santas jumbling up the tabletops, red and green bowls crowding around the everyday white in our already crowded cabinets. Furniture moved around to make room for the tree. Relatives sleeping on the couch. That sort of thing.

I'm doing quite well, because I'm quite charmed by it all this year. I'm going with it. It feels good to walk in our house, I think.

I'm crazy in the kitchen. Every day seems an excuse for some sort of party, some sort of treat to be baked or comforting dish conjured up. Armed with chocolate chips, homemade bread and good cheeses, I feel I can rise to any occasion.

what we're eating these days:

grilled marinated pork loins (yes, that was Tim outside last night, grilling in his down coat), with roasted potatoes and cherry tomatoes.

frikadeller (danish-style pork and beef meatballs) over wide egg noodles.

pumpkin cookies, over and over and over again. With chocolate chips, because I can't help myself, but sliced almonds are exceptionally good, too. Plus the kids don't eat as many, then.

and speaking of almonds, an idea stolen from the samples at Whole Foods: any gooey, rinded cheese (I used an Italian cheese made with sheep and cow's milk called robbiola), "marinated" with honey and sprinkled with sliced almonds. It will knock your socks off; it looks beautiful, has a wonderful mixture of textures and tastes, and will seem like you've done something elaborate and creative without, really, doing much.

and, always, homemade pizza. Tim's pizza, as it's known around here (and elsewhere, I'm proud to say). Right now, with slivered red peppers.

Some of us are also eating more than their share of candy canes. And organic or not, a word to the wise: if you put candy canes out in a pretty little jar on December 2nd, you will have a three-year-old junkie with a wicked sugar jones by December 3rd. Just saying.

More tomorrow. Thanks for reading.

tt

Friday Happiness

This weekend I'm looking forward to:

getting our tree...not that we need a large living object looming in the corner of our dining room. But it will be beautiful, and I love the ritual of decorating it, as much as having it there for the next few weeks.

finding a few perfect presents, and crossing some more names off my list. I'm trying to avoid the panic that results in buying the overpriced last minute gift.

taking a long walk in the Preserve. It's been a couple of weekends now since our last one, for various reasons, and I find I need it: both the connection to nature, and the connection we make with each other when we are out there with nothing to distract but the trees and the path.

Uncle Nick will be here!

sleeping in as much as motherly possible.

starting one new knitting project and finishing one long standing one.

snow.

On another note:

I've mentioned our January show a few times now, and am excited to let you know more about it. We're set to put on what seems inevitably called The Obama Show, a group exhibit of work inspired in some way by the hope and promise of our new President.
We plan to open the show on January 20th, and look forward to celebrating the inauguration with a reception in the gallery.

I'm thrilled that Jennifer Judd-Mcgee, the talented artist from Portland whose name you may recognize from all of those Swallowfield references here, will be a part of our show. We've admired her work for a while now, and are honored to have her involved with our gallery.

More about this in the upcoming weeks.

Enjoy your weekend, too! Thanks for reading.
tt

A few random notes on consuming locally

If you are, as I am, looking for some anti-mall ideas for gifts, here are a few local things which fit the bill, beautifully.

-Stephanie is having her Holiday Sale today through Sunday, with a whole new room full of goodness open, and lots of vintage gifts and decorations.

I love a certain shape and style of old ornaments and have a few left from my grandmother's day, and a few I have bought here and there. I usually nail a sturdy piece of yarn or twine across a doorway and hang them with ribbon to make a (very breakable) garland. I'm mentioning this, not only because it's a really pretty thing to do, but because I read this and it made me laugh, since my house is exactly the last place that should have a string of vintage ornaments hung up.

-Stone Barns has a few holiday events this weekend, including a local vendor boutique and, in the Farm Store, a book signing by my friend Barbara Scott-Goodman for her new cookbook from 12 -3.

-Local textile artist Jackie Frankstone and her husband, Kent, have a new online store selling (for now) her extraordinary scarves. Other lines will be added in the new year.

On a side note: I went into Lollipop today to buy some treats for my in-house Secret Santa gifts (we all pick a name, and then spend the next few weeks pretending we don't know who has whom). The owner is very friendly, and when I mentioned that I was glad his business was doing so well, but that he's also the bane of my existence (nice, huh?), he actually recognized me from seeing our girls in there so much (one of them resembles me, um, a bit.) Is this good news? I think not.

That's all I've got for now. I'm sure I'll be back soon, boring you with pictures of my vintage ornament garland, and perhaps, a posting about our dental bills.

More tomorrow. Thanks for reading.
tt

Monday morning love

A few things I am loving right now:

lots and lots of little white lights, all over the house.

that bread recipe I told you about. If you have not tried it because it seems like so much work, or too much planning, try it. It takes less than five minutes at a time, a couple of steps, and you will love the smell, love the bread, and love that you made it yourself.

the likes of Frank Sinatra, Bing Crosby, and Sammy Davis Jr. singing holiday songs. Hokey, I know. But if you don't sing along to Baby, It's Cold Outside, there's no hope for you. Sorry.

extracting all of our Christmas decorations from the attic, and watching the girls be so excited to see them again. Being just as happy to see them, myself.

the sprinkling of snow we're getting now and then, like a teaser, before the real thing.

having a calendar full of parties and houseguests and friends visiting to look forward to.

President Elect Obama.

I may sound a little giddy. I think it's all the little white lights.

More tomorrow. Thanks for reading.

tt

Happy Thanksgiving!

Best wishes to you all; may we stay as grateful and appreciative all year long as we are today.

More tomorrow. Thanks for reading.
tt

Monday morning, Saturday night, and Thursday

Good morning. This is a hard post to write.


Not that anything momentous has occurred. It's just hard to write this morning because I'm exhausted. I am writing checks with my social schedule that my forty-one-year-old body can not cash.


But fortunately for me, I am not doing any major cooking this year for Thanksgiving. Come to think of it, I'm buying cheese for Thanksgiving. This I can handle.


Actually, I sort of miss the thrill of it all. Choosing the dishes, setting the table, baking ahead, cooking in the middle of the night.


So, for solidarity with my friends and family who are in the throes of meal prep this week, I'm going over to Whole Foods. I'm going to look in the faces of my fellow shoppers, and smile. I'm going to let someone else get the last bag of organic fresh cranberries. I'm not going to clear my throat at the poor soul standing smack dab in front of the chestnuts, wondering if they could possibly really be edible and what her sister-in-law says have to be on the menu at Thanksgiving. I am not going to judge the one who sneaks the pre-made gravy into the cart, because I. have. been. there. And frozen organic pie crusts are in aisle six.

If I see you there, I'll gladly wait in line at the deli counter for you, or go fetch a bag or two of Parker House rolls. Or better yet, a cup of tea.

Because I'm just bringing the cheese this year. And man am I tired.

Happy Holidays! Thanks for reading.
tt

Boots, pear, stick, leaf falling

November is very different from October, and from December. It is it's own thing. Of course, it's got Thanksgiving, and we'll get to that. Lots of side dishes and table settings and wine glasses. Can never get enough of those. Turkeys and Turkey Trots, and family.

But I'm finding the waiting, the stillness, the anticipation, very nice. We are about to be. All sorts of things. All sorts of places, moods.

For now, we are here. November. Raking. Curling up. Wading through the daily routine. No special meals to be made, yet, except for every ordinary one, which is special just because. Nothing to be wrapped yet. Too soon to feel like we should be doing something else, getting ready.

I'm liking it. Hope you are taking a breath now, too. Thanks for reading.

tt