Another grey day, and I'm finding that suits me well. It's not that I'm gloomy-grey, but rather, a soft, muted, soothing grey. Grey doesn't insist. Grey doesn't shout for you to come and play. Grey beckons you outside, to notice her.

I walked out back this morning, and found some beauty out there, in the grey. Blue skies and red leaves call you to look up and notice them. Looking down, I was surprised at how much is going on in our retreating garden.

Yesterday was grey, too. It was a nice gentle day that just went along. No surprises but some very nice moments. Talking to friends. Kids collecting leaves in the park. Some progress made inside, getting ready to retreat into the house more and more in the weeks to come.

For dinner, we made beef barley soup out of Callie's leftover brisket + gravy. With a simple salad, goat cheese, and some really good bread, I think it was pretty much the perfect fall meal.

Now, I'm just waiting for lunch to roll around, so I can heat up some soup, and maybe take a bowl out back. Our days for eating outside are numbered.

This feels like a Monday, but I know it's not.

Enjoy your day. Thanks for reading.
tt

After the week we had, a long afternoon walk at Stone Barns was the perfect antidote on Sunday. We went with friends, and let the kids go where they wanted to go. Followed them down the path to the pigs, over to the compost windrows (had to work that beautiful word in), where they played tag (compost tag? will it be the next rage?), back up to the chicken coops, where they played catch and release, until it seemed a reasonable hour to go home and start eating and drinking.

We called Callie over in the middle of their game, and asked what she would have said if I had told her they were going to spend the afternoon playing on the compost pile. She said she would have worn a different shirt. This made us laugh.

Earlier in the day, Callie had prepared single-handedly (well, she used both of her hands, but she did it alone, I mean to say) ten pounds of brisket for our pot-luck dinner that night. I think this was a turning point for both of us. I need help. The kids can do all sorts of things, given some guidance, time, and encouragement. (In this case, encouragement is not a euphemism for money. Although in the case of cleaning out the basement, perhaps so.)

Sometimes when I have my camera with me, I feel it gets in the way. I don't actually see what is going on around me, I only see what is caught in my lens. This has been a problem in some instances, where I sort of shut myself off, and disappear behind the camera.

Sometimes, the opposite occurs. On a long walk in the woods, for instance, it helps me to stop and focus on things I may have missed. Walking along, I of course notice the sky and the changing trees, but then through the lens I see how they look in relation to the chicken coops. And I think the shadows of the branches behind the walls of the pigsty are even more beautiful than just the branches, themselves.

And in every picture I took of the kids and our friends yesterday, the light seemed to softly glow around them.

That's just the way I'm going to remember the day.

More tomorrow. Thanks for reading.
tt

Go.

We went apple picking today with twenty-two people, and there wasn't a wrinkle in the entire day.

I am here today to say go. do. live. feel. eat. touch. spend. take. give. laugh. yell. cry. get out. reach out. stop working. get working. climb. fall. hurt. heal. hold. hope. fumble. fear. reach. react. act out. bite off. make do. make new. make from scratch. borrow. beg. share. love.

It's all we can do.

Do it now.

Go.

{Who knew apple picking was so inspiring?}

More tomorrow. Thanks for reading.
tt

Friday Happiness::Spring; snow, then sun

This morning, I swear I heard a touch of weariness, exasperation, in the girls' chorus of "Look! It's snowing!"

But now I see them outside my window, on bikes, racing around in the cool sun. And little missy is tugging on my sleeve to get out there, too.

Spring, we're ready and waiting.

More tomorrow. Thanks for reading.
tt

Monday Morning

Good Morning. Things are blooming and growing all over the place. There's hope for us, yet.

Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.
Abraham Lincoln

More tomorrow. Thanks for reading.

tt

Have you ever been really scared?

We went for an aimless drive. We wandered and got lost, and ended up at a place we've been before. So far from home. What are the odds?

We walked to the lake, we walked over the falls, we stood on a dock which juts out over water.

I was really scared. I don't do well with heights. Nor water. Height over water equals scared.

I held her hand like crazy. I think she was picking up my scared. That's bad.

There was still ice on this lake. That's how far we had driven.

We got back safely, though. Of course. We are all extremely safe in our lives.

Tonight we watched a film made by a man who barely knew his famous father. He was on a journey to find out the truth. To try to get to know his father, his past, his self, through stories people might tell about this man.

It was wrenching for me, for I have a touch of this in my own life. I haven't talked about it here, but I did talk about it, here.

In the middle of this film was an aerial shot of Manhattan in the seventies, the Twin Towers fearlessly pointing the way towards the sky.

I found myself in quick, stinging tears.

There was a day that I was really scared. And, frankly, not a day has passed that I've truly felt the same.

Like height over water.

More tomorrow. Thanks for reading.

tt

Run ahead, lag behind, carry me.

A walk is never a linear progression with a three-year-old in tow. But I doubt we would stop and examine everything, even the mud, quite as much without her.

::

One thing I don't talk about here nearly as much as I think about: food. You may or may not have picked up on it, but I'm fairly obsessed. All across the spectrum: food sources, food shopping, cooking food, reading about food, the politics of food, looking at food and pictures of food. Eating food. And most of all, feeding the ones I care about.

{I'm going to interject here, that what I am not interested in, at all, is food science. By that I mean, someone telling me about how marination breaks down the whatsit in the meat, or the gluten content of such and such contradicts the starch in so in so. Bored by it. Don't care, I'll see it with my own eyes & taste it and figure it out. Leave me alone. Just saying.}

Some might say that my...ahem...fixation...on food is not healthy, as intense focus on one thing often is not. Of course, that's nonsense. It is, exactly, healthy. Everything else can wane: Social life? Pretty limited. Ability to travel widely and freely? Ditto. Energy and time to develop new hobbies? Working on it. But no. Disposable income? Fresh out.

But, around here? We eat. And well, if I may say so.

I thought I might tell you about it, a little. So tomorrow, I'm going to start in on breakfast tales, and then lunch, and then...well...you get the picture.

For now, I'm going to leave you with this:

At the end of the day, if I've fed them all well, if I've enjoyed a few moments myself where I've sat still, and savored a good something or other to eat, if they've said please and thank you, kissed me before running off, or, in the case of the man of the house, held my hand in between bites, and mmmm-ed and ahhh-ed; I'm pretty much pleased as punch.

More tomorrow. Thanks for reading.

tt

Maybe the last of winter.

Maybe. And maybe I needed to be reminded how beautiful it is, even still.

Maybe, I needed to be driving home from errands with Anna, and look over at the fields of the Preserve. Notice the way the largest of bare-limbed trees made the most perfect shadow on the expanse of white.

Maybe, I needed to pull the car over and park awkwardly, pull Anna (unready, but willing) out of her car seat, and hike over the embankment to take a picture or two. Feel the crunch underfoot of what I'd been hoping to have seen the last of.

Maybe, I needed to lose my fingers to cold, one more time. Watch Anna throw herself upon the snow and wriggle around wildly, one more time. Notice the creek frozen, but moving underneath. Look up at the sky, marvel that it can be beach-day blue above all that winter.

Maybe, I just needed to get out there and "exchange some oxygen", as Tim might say.

It sure beat the heck out of the errands.

Maybe spring will come soon. Thanks for reading.
tt

Sunday Road Trip :: Beacon, New York

I was reluctant to leave the house today. So much to do. Girls scattered to other houses, back tomorrow. Closets to straighten. Lists to write. Bags to pack. Times eight.

I'm glad I left the house. So much outside my door that needs seeing. Doing. Climbing.

More tomorrow. Thanks for reading.

tt

Saturday in January

out ::

in::

Hope you are enjoying the weekend, too. Thanks for reading.

tt

Sparky liked ice skating, too

It's still dark out, and the snow is falling quickly, almost like rain would fall. It's early, and the kids are still asleep. This almost never happens in this house, in which a single creaky footstep awakens someone, if only the noisy cat. There are seven deer outside of my window right now, and one has stopped and looked up, as if my quiet typing is alarming him. And the most miraculous thing about this morning is that it is snowing, and the schools are still going to be open today.
~~~~~~
Tim began writing a comic strip named Three Feet in 2001. It had three little girls as the characters, although it wasn't really a "kids" strip. The humor was all Tim, aimed at us grown-ups, for whatever being a grown-up is worth, when it comes to humor.

If you knew the kids, you could easily recognize who was based on whom, but the strips didn't really so much come from what they did, as from who they are.

A little while into drawing Three Feet, he added two more characters. Two more little girls. It was a big day for my kids when he first wrote them in.

I am always impressed by three things about Tim's cartooning:

1) he is an excellent draw-er. He says he's not so great, and that anyone can learn. But I know better. He's way good.

2) he is an excellent writer. Now, I say this in light of the fact that I know he can't spell to save his life, and has a shady understanding of the rules of grammar. But I think the writing on the strip may just be his strong point. He's very smart, and astute at "getting" people and situations.
3) he's obsessed by it. He is always thinking of ideas for the next strip, he is always sketching out little scenes and story-boards. Sometimes, while he's lying in bed, waiting to fall asleep, I hear him chuckle, and I know he just thought up a cartoon.

A year or so ago, he started a new strip, Milton 5.o. The kid characters from Three Feet show up occasionally, but it's mostly about a duck (Milton), and a robot, named CPU. If I was pressed to explain, I would say that they are Tim's two alter-egos. But no one asked me.

We've sent the strips in to the syndicates a few times...we're just about ready to send them again. So far, no takers. But we did get a really nice handwritten note from one editor. So that's something. And Three Feet is published monthly in our local (very local) paper.

Anyway. Just in case anyone is wondering what those cartoons are in the picture today. And I promise, if you can just bear with the narcissus bulb pictures for one more day, I'll have gotten it out of my system.

More tomorrow. Thanks for reading.
tt

Monday morning at-home love

We are back home, from the most beautiful winter wonderland. I would show you pictures-you know I would-but so far, the camera I've checked...not so good. There are some other cameras floating around here, and when I get the chance, I'll check those pictures out...but for now, I'm just trying to get grounded before the troops 'rouse.

I have some random things to say, but I'm worried that lately, all I've been here is random. Maybe it's symptomatic of the season-taking care of so many things at one time, trying to get it all in. Maybe it's a result of my compelling exhaustion, which seems to be taking a toll on everything from my eyes (they are puffy and don't seem to be working as well as usual), to my bones (can't bend or stretch well). Woe is me.

But, I have some totally eclectic thoughts I would like to put down, and-lucky us!-here's where my (proverbial) pen falls.

1) Fall was so spectacular, and we all know about spring and summer, but the pictures I have been seeing around blogland of winter are by far the most beautiful yet. I just spent 48 hours in a snow covered haven, and not any of us...from three to eighty three...could stop remarking on how gorgeous the world looked covered in snow. I find this ability we humans have to find wonder and awe in every season to be something to cling to: that we are all capable of seeing the beauty in every facet of the changing natural world. We should try to turn that eye to our own lives and the ones around us. Maybe we would see what we don't always see in each other. Grace is not always in the obvious.

2) There are people who need us, and believe me, there are plenty right here in my own house. But I went to the senior center last week with my parents (they were there as volunteers, by the way!) and helped serve up a holiday luncheon. I realized that even a little time counts in a big way. I didn't necessarily want to go, I had a few valid excuses to get out of it, but I was so happy I went. Maybe I wasn't so much help, but if everybodys' little bit of help gets added together, you have a really big dose of what is needed.

3) (Here's where random meets random). The girls are going to make those things this morning, that they make every year (thanks, Tricia). You take:

Snyder's pretzel SNAPS (or any shape that isn't too wide-open)

Hershey's HUGS (we've tried others, but the white/milk chocolate combo seems to work here)

Oven @ 200

line them up on parchment lined pans...hug on snap...when a little bit melty, gently push a snap on top. If they're not melty enough, stick them back in the oven for a few seconds. If they're a melted mess, throw them in the freezer (or outside, even!) for a minute or two, and try again.

top with a snap (salt side out) and chill (again, freezer or outside).

They are so.dang.good. And perfect to throw into cellophane bags with a ribbon and give as little gifts. I only hesitate to write this down, as now everyone knows how easy they are to make.

4) We are getting excited about our January show. And we are getting re-energized about the real show, starting in January, down there in DC, and everywhere.

Enough random! Maybe I'll be able to pull a substantive thought together after a long winter's nap (maybe not). Is everyone as tired as I am, these days?

More tomorrow. Thanks for reading.

tt

Reading material

The stack of things waiting to be read is growing. The girls and I stopped into The Village Bookstore on Saturday to put out new gallery cards, and, as usual, did not leave empty handed. It is such a fine book shop. To go in there is like visiting with your kindest, most well read relatives.

On my reading list:

1) The book that I'm supposed to have read by Wednesday for book club, although I'm sure we will barely move past election coverage long enough to discuss the book, so that may buy me extra time. I'm really interested in this book but the last few weeks have not been so good for me, reading-wise.

2) The vintage copy of Franny & Zooey that my brother gave me this summer. (I've skimmed through and re-read a few sections, but want to go back and do it right.)

3) The new Julia Glass book, just out and had to be bought in hardcover, because I couldn't wait. Although, that said, I also don't want to start it, because then I will read it, and it will be over, and I will have to wait until she writes another one. I love her writing that much.

4) This new cookbook by Barbara Scott-Goodman which is so cozy, warm and beautiful it makes me look forward to the transition from fall to winter.

I am also in love with the new online issue of This Joy + Ride, for the inspiration and the mesmerizing photographs. I look at all four issues as a meditation on stillness and beauty. It makes me long to take better photographs, so I could capture even a slight sense of the perfection I see in nature.

Hoping to find a little stillness and beauty today. Thanks for reading.

tt